Thursday, April 15, 2004
SPEAK ENGLISH, YOU TWITS
Feeling the rush of audience participation following the TID Democracy event (see below) I've been thinking of other ways to involve you dear readers out in cyberspace.
So I got to thinking, what better way to interact with the public than to interact with the way they speak?
Introducing Speak English, You Twits. It's our new game--no, not really a game--societal contribution (yes, yes) whereupon we introduce bits and pieces of the This Is Depression vernacular to the English language.
That said, I present to you the inaugural term:
Thumbs n., v., adj.
An expression of disbelief and/or a request for the truthful validation of a statement or claim. Also can be used as an action to emphasize the truthfulness of a statement or claim. Rarely used as a descriptive when a statement or claim's truthfulness or accuracy is in question.
Origin: I used to tell little white lies all the time just to annoy my roommates. (I still do, come to think of it.) For example, I would come home from class and find my friends sprawled around the TV getting stoned. I'd have a hurried look on my face and exclaim "Guys! Turn on the TV, Sammy Sosa just got shot at a Cubs game!" They'd scurry for the remote, expressions of disbelief and excited panic on their faces. Eventually, finding no mentions on the news channels or ESPN, they'd turn to me and I'd burst out laughing. This continued for quite a few months. After many of such pranks, two of my friends invented Thumbs. Whenever I stated something suspicious (like catching one of our friends making out with a midget biker chick) one of my friends would immediately ask "thumbs?" If I was telling the truth, I was required to put both thumbs up, in full view. If I was lying, it was up to me to convince them I was telling the truth. My favorite ways of doing this are by feigning disability ('dude, I can't, I sprained my right thumb') and continuing to emphasize truthfulness. You can try explaining all you want, but you may NEVER LIE AND STICK UP BOTH THUMBS. By doing that, you are rendering this very important litmus test useless. The honor system is in place here, and if you fuck with it, this is a major no-no. It's called Violating Thumbs, and it is punishable by Hands. Hands consists of the lying party being smacked violently on the back of the head by the lied-to party(s). Bad all around.
Examples of usage:
[Dick and Jane are at a party]
Dick: So, how you doing, Jane?
Jane: I'm okay. Did you hear about Wally?
Dick: Nah, what happened?
Jane: He was at the aquarium real drunk...They caught him trying to fuck a dolphin's blowhole.
Dick: What? Really?
Jane: Yeah, thumbs.
Dick: Let me see 'em...
[Jane puts up both thumbs]
Dick: Whoa. What a sick bastard...
Examples of other usage:
"She wasn't lying about Wally! She totally thumbsed it."
"Remember what Jane said about Wally? That shit is true. It was totally thumbsed by those marine biologists."
What I aim to do with this handy lesson is spread the seed of terminology across the globe. Our little thumbs term did spread throughout college, to the point where friends of friends of friends of mine now use it on a regular basis. So it's up to you! Spread the word, you twits!
Also, if you have any interesting terminology that you've invented, pass it along and we'll air your vocabulary laundry (with credit, of course). Send them thar phrases, terms, expressions to
thisisdepression@hotmail.com
Cheers,
PRN
Feeling the rush of audience participation following the TID Democracy event (see below) I've been thinking of other ways to involve you dear readers out in cyberspace.
So I got to thinking, what better way to interact with the public than to interact with the way they speak?
Introducing Speak English, You Twits. It's our new game--no, not really a game--societal contribution (yes, yes) whereupon we introduce bits and pieces of the This Is Depression vernacular to the English language.
That said, I present to you the inaugural term:
Thumbs n., v., adj.
An expression of disbelief and/or a request for the truthful validation of a statement or claim. Also can be used as an action to emphasize the truthfulness of a statement or claim. Rarely used as a descriptive when a statement or claim's truthfulness or accuracy is in question.
Origin: I used to tell little white lies all the time just to annoy my roommates. (I still do, come to think of it.) For example, I would come home from class and find my friends sprawled around the TV getting stoned. I'd have a hurried look on my face and exclaim "Guys! Turn on the TV, Sammy Sosa just got shot at a Cubs game!" They'd scurry for the remote, expressions of disbelief and excited panic on their faces. Eventually, finding no mentions on the news channels or ESPN, they'd turn to me and I'd burst out laughing. This continued for quite a few months. After many of such pranks, two of my friends invented Thumbs. Whenever I stated something suspicious (like catching one of our friends making out with a midget biker chick) one of my friends would immediately ask "thumbs?" If I was telling the truth, I was required to put both thumbs up, in full view. If I was lying, it was up to me to convince them I was telling the truth. My favorite ways of doing this are by feigning disability ('dude, I can't, I sprained my right thumb') and continuing to emphasize truthfulness. You can try explaining all you want, but you may NEVER LIE AND STICK UP BOTH THUMBS. By doing that, you are rendering this very important litmus test useless. The honor system is in place here, and if you fuck with it, this is a major no-no. It's called Violating Thumbs, and it is punishable by Hands. Hands consists of the lying party being smacked violently on the back of the head by the lied-to party(s). Bad all around.
Examples of usage:
[Dick and Jane are at a party]
Dick: So, how you doing, Jane?
Jane: I'm okay. Did you hear about Wally?
Dick: Nah, what happened?
Jane: He was at the aquarium real drunk...They caught him trying to fuck a dolphin's blowhole.
Dick: What? Really?
Jane: Yeah, thumbs.
Dick: Let me see 'em...
[Jane puts up both thumbs]
Dick: Whoa. What a sick bastard...
Examples of other usage:
"She wasn't lying about Wally! She totally thumbsed it."
"Remember what Jane said about Wally? That shit is true. It was totally thumbsed by those marine biologists."
What I aim to do with this handy lesson is spread the seed of terminology across the globe. Our little thumbs term did spread throughout college, to the point where friends of friends of friends of mine now use it on a regular basis. So it's up to you! Spread the word, you twits!
Also, if you have any interesting terminology that you've invented, pass it along and we'll air your vocabulary laundry (with credit, of course). Send them thar phrases, terms, expressions to
thisisdepression@hotmail.com
Cheers,
PRN
Sunday, April 11, 2004
THE RESULTS ARE IN
The polls are closed, folks, and the public has voted, sort of.
Two votes, to be specific.
Funny, because we had record high numbers of hits during the last two days of the event. Seems people just couldn't jot off a quick e-mail, but hey, maybe they had better things to do, like scratch their genitals or look at Chingy pics.
Extra Extra Mad Props to the two voters, who unanimously agreed:
SHARING A SANDWICH IS NOT GAY
Thank you, thank you, thank you. One of the voters' arguments was (and many others voiced this opinion in person, but didn't vote) that the sharing of a foot-long sandwich could only be gay if the two consumers ate from opposite ends of the sandwich, resulting in an eventual suprised smooch, a la Lady and the Tramp. Another friend of mine noted that when you go to a place like Subway or Quizno's, and the counterperson cuts your portion off a giant loaf, you're pretty much sharing a sandwich with complete strangers. Kind of like sticking your dick through a hole in the locker room wall and letting the football team coarsely jerk you-- okay, not helping my argument here.
We'll try this again some other time, with perhaps a more topical subject. For now, I've learned important lessons: sandwiches rule, there are a lot of bored people at Goldman Sachs (11 hits in one hour!) and voting is a waste of time.
Yours truly,
PRN
The polls are closed, folks, and the public has voted, sort of.
Two votes, to be specific.
Funny, because we had record high numbers of hits during the last two days of the event. Seems people just couldn't jot off a quick e-mail, but hey, maybe they had better things to do, like scratch their genitals or look at Chingy pics.
Extra Extra Mad Props to the two voters, who unanimously agreed:
SHARING A SANDWICH IS NOT GAY
Thank you, thank you, thank you. One of the voters' arguments was (and many others voiced this opinion in person, but didn't vote) that the sharing of a foot-long sandwich could only be gay if the two consumers ate from opposite ends of the sandwich, resulting in an eventual suprised smooch, a la Lady and the Tramp. Another friend of mine noted that when you go to a place like Subway or Quizno's, and the counterperson cuts your portion off a giant loaf, you're pretty much sharing a sandwich with complete strangers. Kind of like sticking your dick through a hole in the locker room wall and letting the football team coarsely jerk you-- okay, not helping my argument here.
We'll try this again some other time, with perhaps a more topical subject. For now, I've learned important lessons: sandwiches rule, there are a lot of bored people at Goldman Sachs (11 hits in one hour!) and voting is a waste of time.
Yours truly,
PRN
