Tuesday, September 27, 2005
At Work, Bored
Kermit the Frog goes on 'tour' in Disney campaign
When Kermit goes on tour, does he ride in a van with a bunch of sweaty indie rockers? Does he stop in tiny college towns and play on stages tucked in corners of crappy, wooden bars with revoked liquor licenses and $1 cans of PBR?
Does Kermit wear Godspeed You Black Emperor t-shirts and girl's jeans? Does he sport aviator sunglasses and greasy, shoulder-length hair? Can he wail out "Ashtray Monument" at a moment's notice on his '72 telecaster? Does Kermit smoke Chesterfield Kings? Do they even make Chesterfield Kings anymore?
When Kermit goes on tour, does his band's van get stopped at the Canadian border? Do they get taxed for all their merch? Speaking of which, who runs the merch table at Kermit's shows? Are they looking for a roadie? Does the spirit of indie rock course through the blood of Kermit the Frog? At the end of his set, does Kermit ask the audience if anyone has a floor they can crash on, or is he already hooked up with a room at the Red Roof Inn?
Is J. Robbins actually producing Kermit's new EP? I heard he tried to get Steve Albini on it, but he's booked. Apparently Allen Epley is gonna play synths on it.
Is Kermit managed by Jessica Hopper?
Remember that split 7-inch with Kermit and Boy's Life? I think it actually came out on Secretly Canadian. You don't remember that? Remember when Kermit played the Small Intestine with Geoff Farina and June of 44? You weren't at that show?
When Kermit goes on tour, does he get vegan burritos in Athens, GA? Or is he more the Subway and Taco Bell kind of guy? Speaking of which, does Kermit fuck them hoes on tour? Is he gettin' some cut? Does he make indie rock chicks get their eagle on?
Is it true that Kermit is going 50/50 with Nelly on Apple Bottom Jeans? I always thought he'd end up doing shit with Beans and Dash on some State Property shit. Fashion sure is weird.
I hear Kermit is going to join Weird War. Apparently Ian wants to add a new dimension to it, with like farfisa and melodica and shit, you know, like that one Q and not U song.
Wow, I am so bored and I think maybe one person in the world will get all the references here, and his name is Jeff Laughlin.
JEFF, YOU AND I ARE LAME.
Kermit the Frog goes on 'tour' in Disney campaign
When Kermit goes on tour, does he ride in a van with a bunch of sweaty indie rockers? Does he stop in tiny college towns and play on stages tucked in corners of crappy, wooden bars with revoked liquor licenses and $1 cans of PBR?
Does Kermit wear Godspeed You Black Emperor t-shirts and girl's jeans? Does he sport aviator sunglasses and greasy, shoulder-length hair? Can he wail out "Ashtray Monument" at a moment's notice on his '72 telecaster? Does Kermit smoke Chesterfield Kings? Do they even make Chesterfield Kings anymore?
When Kermit goes on tour, does his band's van get stopped at the Canadian border? Do they get taxed for all their merch? Speaking of which, who runs the merch table at Kermit's shows? Are they looking for a roadie? Does the spirit of indie rock course through the blood of Kermit the Frog? At the end of his set, does Kermit ask the audience if anyone has a floor they can crash on, or is he already hooked up with a room at the Red Roof Inn?
Is J. Robbins actually producing Kermit's new EP? I heard he tried to get Steve Albini on it, but he's booked. Apparently Allen Epley is gonna play synths on it.
Is Kermit managed by Jessica Hopper?
Remember that split 7-inch with Kermit and Boy's Life? I think it actually came out on Secretly Canadian. You don't remember that? Remember when Kermit played the Small Intestine with Geoff Farina and June of 44? You weren't at that show?
When Kermit goes on tour, does he get vegan burritos in Athens, GA? Or is he more the Subway and Taco Bell kind of guy? Speaking of which, does Kermit fuck them hoes on tour? Is he gettin' some cut? Does he make indie rock chicks get their eagle on?
Is it true that Kermit is going 50/50 with Nelly on Apple Bottom Jeans? I always thought he'd end up doing shit with Beans and Dash on some State Property shit. Fashion sure is weird.
I hear Kermit is going to join Weird War. Apparently Ian wants to add a new dimension to it, with like farfisa and melodica and shit, you know, like that one Q and not U song.
Wow, I am so bored and I think maybe one person in the world will get all the references here, and his name is Jeff Laughlin.
JEFF, YOU AND I ARE LAME.
Sunday, September 11, 2005
On Pizza
My name is Paul Nair and I do not like holograms. I was just talking to a friend of mine, and he was telling me that at Lincoln Center, in New York, there is a walkway to holograms. Basically you walk up a big ramp and into a giant hologram.
Let me ask you this, developers: what would God think of your blasted holograms? They’re weird and they make me feel funny when I look at them. When I was a kid I had this little cardboard hologram of the Eiffel Tower. I used to lay on the carpet with a lamp and look at it. Those were good times, but that was when I was a kid and everything is a good time as long as your parents aren’t fighting and you’re not getting shanked at school.
But now I’m a man, nay, a beast of 24… And I hate holograms. They’re so prissy and stupid and they’ve never done anything for anyone. I remember that stupid video game at the arcade in the early 90s—it was all made of holograms and there was a dancing cowboy and it cost like eight quarters to play and even then it sucked. If you bring me that machine in working condition I’ll buy you a pizza.
I went to the Hologram Museum, tucked away in a row house in downtown Washington, when I was a kid. It was a bloody rip off! The guy was old and he charged like 20 bucks for each of us to come inside. It was like a nice girl’s living room in there, except there were holograms everywhere. Wow, if you think about it, late at night that room is dark and quiet, with all those holograms sleeping on the walls. Very eerie stuff.
It’s getting IRIE in here, mon! We’re gonna roll up some holograms and get lifted, kid.
My name is Paul Nair and I do not like holograms. I was just talking to a friend of mine, and he was telling me that at Lincoln Center, in New York, there is a walkway to holograms. Basically you walk up a big ramp and into a giant hologram.
Let me ask you this, developers: what would God think of your blasted holograms? They’re weird and they make me feel funny when I look at them. When I was a kid I had this little cardboard hologram of the Eiffel Tower. I used to lay on the carpet with a lamp and look at it. Those were good times, but that was when I was a kid and everything is a good time as long as your parents aren’t fighting and you’re not getting shanked at school.
But now I’m a man, nay, a beast of 24… And I hate holograms. They’re so prissy and stupid and they’ve never done anything for anyone. I remember that stupid video game at the arcade in the early 90s—it was all made of holograms and there was a dancing cowboy and it cost like eight quarters to play and even then it sucked. If you bring me that machine in working condition I’ll buy you a pizza.
I went to the Hologram Museum, tucked away in a row house in downtown Washington, when I was a kid. It was a bloody rip off! The guy was old and he charged like 20 bucks for each of us to come inside. It was like a nice girl’s living room in there, except there were holograms everywhere. Wow, if you think about it, late at night that room is dark and quiet, with all those holograms sleeping on the walls. Very eerie stuff.
It’s getting IRIE in here, mon! We’re gonna roll up some holograms and get lifted, kid.
