Wednesday, December 14, 2005
Mash-ups Are The New Hip Trend
If you don't like what I'm saying, then buck
Swing when you see me, we can throw them hands, sucka
If you ain't noticed, nigga, I don't give a fuck
If I said it, then I meant it; and what, fuck nigga?
-Rapper T.I., from his 2005 song Stand Up
Why are you so angry all the time? I don't understand what you have to be angry about. Okay, my dog bit you. You liked it! You love my dog, you can't be angry about that. Not as angry as you've seemed the past few days. If it's something any of us have said then just tell us. No one is here to be your enemy, no one is trying to be is what I'm saying. I hate writing things like this because I usually overreact to everything and this is probably nothing. But alarms in my head always go off at the most sensitive things, so I can't help it. Just tell me what's bothering you.
-Note from L.G. left on my windshield, Cameron Village, Raleigh September 1998
Dear Dickless your blog sucks fuck you
-Anonymous fan mail from a scholar, no doubt
Nice helmet, faggot! HELMET FAGGOT! FAGGOT! FAGGOT! HELMET FAGGOT!
-A friend riding in my car, to a helmeted adolescent on a skateboard, Lindley Park, Greensboro Summer 2001
I think anger is a really funny thing. Today on the subway someone next to me was reading some law textbook and wheezing incessantly. It sounded like a dying porpoise. I just wanted to bash him over the head with his textbook. Annoying fucking cunt. Then I remembered that only British people act this way. We Americans just sit and stew and then vent our feelings to either our bored spouses at the dinner table or our random, anonymous audiences via our blogs.
AND I'M PROUD TO BE AN AMERICAN/CUZ AT LEAST I KNOW I'M FREE
EATIN' BALD EAGLES AT A STEADY CLIP
CUZ THEY TASTE DAMN GOOD WITH KC MASTERPIECE
Can anyone verify the veracity of those last two lines? I swear those were the actual lyrics, but I might be wrong.
Incidentally, all this talk of porpoises reminds me of when I was a child. In doctor's waiting rooms or the school library or what have you, I would peruse Highlights magazine. I always thought their masthead slogan was "fun with a porpoise," and I pictured Goofus and Gallant in water wings carousing around a shallow pool with said sea creature. Gallant would feed him minnows and try and communicate while Goofus would mercilessly try to fuck his blowhole. The moral of the story is that I have poor reading comprehension. If you are not from America or Canada (which I believe are the only two countries of Highlights' circulation, then I apologize for referencing something of which you have no idea. Then again, you're not North American, so I'm not sorry for anything and actually how are you reading this? Do you people even have computers over there?
2005 was a pretty mediocre year but TID got more hits than ever before. I also heard from a lot of you via e-mail and that was splendid. I hope the final days of this year see you all healthy, happy and drunk. I will hopefully see you all in 2006 and once again, thanks for checking in!
Best wishes,
Paul
If you don't like what I'm saying, then buck
Swing when you see me, we can throw them hands, sucka
If you ain't noticed, nigga, I don't give a fuck
If I said it, then I meant it; and what, fuck nigga?
-Rapper T.I., from his 2005 song Stand Up
Why are you so angry all the time? I don't understand what you have to be angry about. Okay, my dog bit you. You liked it! You love my dog, you can't be angry about that. Not as angry as you've seemed the past few days. If it's something any of us have said then just tell us. No one is here to be your enemy, no one is trying to be is what I'm saying. I hate writing things like this because I usually overreact to everything and this is probably nothing. But alarms in my head always go off at the most sensitive things, so I can't help it. Just tell me what's bothering you.
-Note from L.G. left on my windshield, Cameron Village, Raleigh September 1998
Dear Dickless your blog sucks fuck you
-Anonymous fan mail from a scholar, no doubt
Nice helmet, faggot! HELMET FAGGOT! FAGGOT! FAGGOT! HELMET FAGGOT!
-A friend riding in my car, to a helmeted adolescent on a skateboard, Lindley Park, Greensboro Summer 2001
I think anger is a really funny thing. Today on the subway someone next to me was reading some law textbook and wheezing incessantly. It sounded like a dying porpoise. I just wanted to bash him over the head with his textbook. Annoying fucking cunt. Then I remembered that only British people act this way. We Americans just sit and stew and then vent our feelings to either our bored spouses at the dinner table or our random, anonymous audiences via our blogs.
AND I'M PROUD TO BE AN AMERICAN/CUZ AT LEAST I KNOW I'M FREE
EATIN' BALD EAGLES AT A STEADY CLIP
CUZ THEY TASTE DAMN GOOD WITH KC MASTERPIECE
Can anyone verify the veracity of those last two lines? I swear those were the actual lyrics, but I might be wrong.
Incidentally, all this talk of porpoises reminds me of when I was a child. In doctor's waiting rooms or the school library or what have you, I would peruse Highlights magazine. I always thought their masthead slogan was "fun with a porpoise," and I pictured Goofus and Gallant in water wings carousing around a shallow pool with said sea creature. Gallant would feed him minnows and try and communicate while Goofus would mercilessly try to fuck his blowhole. The moral of the story is that I have poor reading comprehension. If you are not from America or Canada (which I believe are the only two countries of Highlights' circulation, then I apologize for referencing something of which you have no idea. Then again, you're not North American, so I'm not sorry for anything and actually how are you reading this? Do you people even have computers over there?
2005 was a pretty mediocre year but TID got more hits than ever before. I also heard from a lot of you via e-mail and that was splendid. I hope the final days of this year see you all healthy, happy and drunk. I will hopefully see you all in 2006 and once again, thanks for checking in!
Best wishes,
Paul
