Tuesday, May 30, 2006
PAIN
Sometime in the summer of ‘92 my Gotta Have It card went missing.
I didn’t even get a chance to use it to purchase Pizza Hut Personal Pan Pizzas at a discount rate. I never got to whip it out at the local Kerr Drugs to save on 16 Ounce bottles of Pepsi, Diet Pepsi and/or Mountain Dew. I didn’t even get a chance to say goodbye.
LAST SEEN IN A FLOURESCENT GREEN GOTCHA WALLET. Somewhere in the vicinity of Balmoray Court and Bedford Street. If you have any information, PLEASE just let me know.
Sometimes I get desperate still, 14 years after the fact.
Pops says I need to just get over it. Bossman at work says it’s affecting my output. They just don’t understand.
Time has a way of fading your memories like an old newspaper. They get all yellowed and crackly and you can’t really make out the details. I don’t remember where I got my Gotta Have It card; maybe it came in the mail, maybe I picked one up at the Gulf station across the road. Does it matter? Does it make it hurt any less?
Went searchin’ around on the internet late last night for pictures, thinking maybe some kind soul out there found it and picked it up, dusted it off, kept it, held it for me all these years. Has it in their house, on a nice tree-lined street, with a big yard for it to play in, keeping it happy, waiting for the day I’ll drive my big ol’ sedan down the block and walk right up and ring that doorbell. Hat in hands, I’ll say “ma’am I’m Paul Nair and I believe you have a Gotta Have It card for me…”
Big old cop down at the 114th Precinct House says I’m wasting my time tryin’ to find it. Tells me to stand up straight and be a man, stop all this sniffling and wipe those tears away. Says it’s a big city and hell, do I know how many kids here lost their Gotta Have It cards and still went on to lead normal, productive lives?
I put an index finger in his face and I say “yeah, mister, well I bet they got discounts on Taco Bell and KFC food items and apparel from the Gotta Have It catalog before they lost theirs. I didn’t ever have that chance.” I turn away from him before I really lose it emotionally and somehow I find the strength in my two feet to walk out of there and back onto the hot pavement as fast as I can.
Sittin’ alone down by the riverside, watching the sky get darker and the lights come on in the buildings one by one. Feel like drowning myself in that black, moving water but for now the whiskey will just have to do. Thinking about all the old Gotta Have It cards sitting there at the bottom of the riverbed like the bodies from a shipwreck. Wantin’ to dive right in and rescue them all.
The Saturday it happened I was strutting down the avenue in my Umbros. Gettin’ ready to flash that lil’ sucker and get discounts on all sorts of products from my local PepsiCo retailers. A little girl--couldn’t have been more than five or six—stopped me and said “why are you smiling so wide?” I said “little girl, what if I told you I could walk in that there Pizza Hut and get 10 percent off any Personal Pan Pizza with the purchase of a regular Pepsi, Diet Pepsi or Mountain Dew fountain soda?” Well her little eyes got so wide and she started jumpin’ up and down and soon I was smiling too. I reached into my pocket to pull the card out, to let her get a glimpse of the opportunity… Only to find it was gone.
The neighbors’ll tell you they heard my screams halfway to Lakewood Avenue. The news’ll tell you it was twice as far. But I know the truth. I spent the rest of the afternoon down under the overpass, crying softly in the honeysuckle bushes, sharing my tears with their sweet, natural scent.
And I’m still crying today, even around all these big buildings.
Monday, May 08, 2006
SHAMELESS PROMOTION
From Wikipedia:
Jon Mayes is a controversial blogger and neo-conservative from New York City. He launched his highly-read "Mr. Darsie's Time Machine" shortly before the 2000 presidential election, when it was used as a smear tactic against Democratic hopeful Al Gore.
In 2005, the Democratic National Committee successfully lobbied the United States 5th Circuit Court Of Appeals to file an injunction against Mayes and his blog, citing "harrassment, sensationalism and hyperbole the likes of which haven't been seen since the fall of yellow journalism." The blog went on immediate hiatus and was not revived until early 2006, when it reappeared devoid of any political content.
MAYES. Why don't you go check out this blog and make it famous for the right reasons? Listen, Jon Mayes isn't a saint, I'll be the first to admit it. In fact, he's probably as close to the opposite as anyone I know, but everyone deserves a second chance, right?
MAYES. People say a lot of things about Jon that I find hard to believe. The body of the dog is a machine gun. I don't pull into the parking lot of Rock Honda (in FONTANA) and just let off at the mouth, putting the car into park and climbing out through the sunroof, just for giggles. It's been a hard couple of weeks. We keep looking for a boat but there ain't one. We're doomed.
MAYES. You learn a lot of things about someone when you're trapped in an airplane with them for sixteen hours straight. Old man told me Mayes just might be the devil. I slapped my thigh and said "Old man, you just might be right." Then airport security put me in a chokehold. It was a warm summer but it just feels even hotter when they lay you down on the asphalt on your stomach like that.
MAYES
From Wikipedia:
Jon Mayes is a controversial blogger and neo-conservative from New York City. He launched his highly-read "Mr. Darsie's Time Machine" shortly before the 2000 presidential election, when it was used as a smear tactic against Democratic hopeful Al Gore.
In 2005, the Democratic National Committee successfully lobbied the United States 5th Circuit Court Of Appeals to file an injunction against Mayes and his blog, citing "harrassment, sensationalism and hyperbole the likes of which haven't been seen since the fall of yellow journalism." The blog went on immediate hiatus and was not revived until early 2006, when it reappeared devoid of any political content.
MAYES. Why don't you go check out this blog and make it famous for the right reasons? Listen, Jon Mayes isn't a saint, I'll be the first to admit it. In fact, he's probably as close to the opposite as anyone I know, but everyone deserves a second chance, right?
MAYES. People say a lot of things about Jon that I find hard to believe. The body of the dog is a machine gun. I don't pull into the parking lot of Rock Honda (in FONTANA) and just let off at the mouth, putting the car into park and climbing out through the sunroof, just for giggles. It's been a hard couple of weeks. We keep looking for a boat but there ain't one. We're doomed.
MAYES. You learn a lot of things about someone when you're trapped in an airplane with them for sixteen hours straight. Old man told me Mayes just might be the devil. I slapped my thigh and said "Old man, you just might be right." Then airport security put me in a chokehold. It was a warm summer but it just feels even hotter when they lay you down on the asphalt on your stomach like that.
MAYES
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
FUN HALLUCINATIONS
1. Mickey Mouse playing with his own crap
2. Charles Barkley playing bass
3. A giant piece of Texas Toast singing Pixies songs (not that fun if you're actually in Texas, I've found)
4. Lil' Wayne on trial for War Crimes at The Hague
I'll add more as I think of them. You hear that? TID is going FUTURISTIC. Continuous updates, man. We're stepping into some wobbly looking mirror and transporting into the future just like our main man TITOR.
So I was sitting here at work and thinking about sleep. I remember back in 2000 when I was in college, I visited my friend up at Columbia University. I was in some freaky modern building with lots of ramps and lecture halls. I was really tired and I tried sleeping on some modern Scandanavian furniture. It was hard to fall asleep so I went out to Broadway and walked around. There's something so nice about walking on the street in New York City when you're really tired and/or half asleep. It's just not the same as in other cities, where you're probably behind the wheel and you fall asleep and crash into a Dairy Queen or a doggie daycare.
Anyways I guess it's not the same now that I live here either, because I can just go to my apartment and sleep. IT USED TO BE FUN, is all I'm saying. You kids today just wouldn't understand.
Immigration! BLAH BLAH BLAH! Immigration! BLAH BLAH BLAH. I am a legitimate blogger now. For god's sake get some culture one way or another.
1. Mickey Mouse playing with his own crap
2. Charles Barkley playing bass
3. A giant piece of Texas Toast singing Pixies songs (not that fun if you're actually in Texas, I've found)
4. Lil' Wayne on trial for War Crimes at The Hague
I'll add more as I think of them. You hear that? TID is going FUTURISTIC. Continuous updates, man. We're stepping into some wobbly looking mirror and transporting into the future just like our main man TITOR.
So I was sitting here at work and thinking about sleep. I remember back in 2000 when I was in college, I visited my friend up at Columbia University. I was in some freaky modern building with lots of ramps and lecture halls. I was really tired and I tried sleeping on some modern Scandanavian furniture. It was hard to fall asleep so I went out to Broadway and walked around. There's something so nice about walking on the street in New York City when you're really tired and/or half asleep. It's just not the same as in other cities, where you're probably behind the wheel and you fall asleep and crash into a Dairy Queen or a doggie daycare.
Anyways I guess it's not the same now that I live here either, because I can just go to my apartment and sleep. IT USED TO BE FUN, is all I'm saying. You kids today just wouldn't understand.
Immigration! BLAH BLAH BLAH! Immigration! BLAH BLAH BLAH. I am a legitimate blogger now. For god's sake get some culture one way or another.
