Wednesday, July 23, 2008
PIER ONE LIVEBLOG
Gotta get some wicker baskets.
This song sucks. OH MANDY YOU CAME AND YOU WROTE ME AN E-BOOK. I am fucking drunk!
What's with all these stories about tarantulas jumping out of bunches of bananas at the grocery store? You're probably saying "that's an urban legend". Well if that's the case, how come when I Google it ten times a day I inevitably find an article about it? Arachna-what? Is that the pottery place near Fayetteville? [This reference will only make sense to North Carolina residents from 1992-1994, and maybe not even them. --Ed.]
Nothing says loving like a tattoo of your kid's school district on your lower back, ain't that right, Tiffany, Assistant To The Manager?
I remember the day John Candy died. It was a pretty good afternoon, actually. Puppy love. Oh sorry, I thought you were the Assistant To The Manager.
These wicker baskets are all the wrong size!
I'm suing Pier One and its parent company, Bang Bros. Productions, for every goddamn dime. I've been driving around this town for two hours drinking whiskey from one of your vases but you just lost a customer.
These pillows all look so comfortable!
It's night? Well gat damn.
Who decided to call 'em 'cat tails' anyways? The native americans? Well, all right!
They got this island out by the coast where the horses run wild and every year they fly around in helicopters blowin' their brains out. It's just like the opening of Magnum P.I.. What? Oh right, not the assistant to the manager, I forgot.
I'm no scientist but here's a scientific breakdown of who reacts the worst to public urination:
Children (23%)
Cops (10%)
Pier One Manager (67%)
What the hell is so special about Pier One anyways? What about piers 2-198? I was in San Francisco and we went to Pier 39 and I shot a bunch of pilgrims with a gun that spat nickels. It was a game, yeah, but it made my dick hard just like the real thing, Tiffany.
I love this fucking song! FINALLY IT'S HAPPENED TO MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
September 12, 2000
Gotta get some wicker baskets.This song sucks. OH MANDY YOU CAME AND YOU WROTE ME AN E-BOOK. I am fucking drunk!
What's with all these stories about tarantulas jumping out of bunches of bananas at the grocery store? You're probably saying "that's an urban legend". Well if that's the case, how come when I Google it ten times a day I inevitably find an article about it? Arachna-what? Is that the pottery place near Fayetteville? [This reference will only make sense to North Carolina residents from 1992-1994, and maybe not even them. --Ed.]
Nothing says loving like a tattoo of your kid's school district on your lower back, ain't that right, Tiffany, Assistant To The Manager?
I remember the day John Candy died. It was a pretty good afternoon, actually. Puppy love. Oh sorry, I thought you were the Assistant To The Manager.
These wicker baskets are all the wrong size!
I'm suing Pier One and its parent company, Bang Bros. Productions, for every goddamn dime. I've been driving around this town for two hours drinking whiskey from one of your vases but you just lost a customer.
These pillows all look so comfortable!
It's night? Well gat damn.
Who decided to call 'em 'cat tails' anyways? The native americans? Well, all right!
They got this island out by the coast where the horses run wild and every year they fly around in helicopters blowin' their brains out. It's just like the opening of Magnum P.I.. What? Oh right, not the assistant to the manager, I forgot.
I'm no scientist but here's a scientific breakdown of who reacts the worst to public urination:
Children (23%)
Cops (10%)
Pier One Manager (67%)
What the hell is so special about Pier One anyways? What about piers 2-198? I was in San Francisco and we went to Pier 39 and I shot a bunch of pilgrims with a gun that spat nickels. It was a game, yeah, but it made my dick hard just like the real thing, Tiffany.
I love this fucking song! FINALLY IT'S HAPPENED TO MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
September 12, 2000
