tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-54952922008-05-19T16:10:00.392-04:00TID Staffnoreply@blogger.comBlogger125125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5495292.post-13412914806726216782008-05-19T15:19:00.004-04:002008-05-19T16:10:00.476-04:00

ANNOUNCEMENT So a couple of weeks ago we were all sitting around drinking in our living room. We ended up playing this infernal drinking game called Clink-It that Sharkey always insists on. It gets you really drunk, really fast. I ended up registering a domain name that I regret getting now. I had to do something with it so I decided to create This Is Depression Express. You should visit there

TID Staffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5495292.post-55057871592937245342008-05-05T12:54:00.005-04:002008-05-05T13:21:56.362-04:00

I CAN TWITTER WITH THE BEST OF THEM i was overcharged .20 for my pinkberry yogurt every1 boycott pinkberry there taking over manhatten! about 3 hours ago from web carol come back 08:59 PM May 03, 2008 from mobile dogs dog owners are real assholes 07:31 PM May 03, 2008 from mobile oh fuck we just totally hit that dog 07:29 PM May 03, 2008 from mobile BRAKES BRAKES 07:28 PM May 03, 2008 from

TID Staffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5495292.post-77406956883272371762008-04-10T15:12:00.004-04:002008-04-10T15:16:06.712-04:00

TALKING MORE SHIT ABOUT SF A Tibet supporter (right) and a pro-China supporter clash during Olympic protests in San Francisco Monday Yeah that photo pretty much sums it up. I'll stop now.

TID Staffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5495292.post-91649714841281130082008-04-10T00:44:00.004-04:002008-04-10T01:02:42.757-04:00

PEOPLE WHO POST ON YELP ARE IDIOTS PT. 20394 Unfortunately I registered yelllllllllpppppppppppp.com recently, and I've gotten a lot of drunken misguided submissions from hipsters. Enjoy: McDonald's At Haight And Stanyan: "OMG this palce used to be so awesomesauce. me And the boyf went here on sunday for brunch and the bridge and tunnel scene was TOTES bogus.... OMG there were like 4 people in

TID Staffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5495292.post-58044100171229617112008-04-03T07:21:00.004-04:002008-04-03T08:00:09.585-04:00

FUCK I HATE SITTING IN AIRPORTS I was backing up some stuff on my laptop and found my old IM logs. Memories... kareemABDULjabber: yo wasup paul at sonic: u spelled ur name wrong u fukface kareemABDULjabber: ya i kno it's a joke u dik paul at sonic: :( kareemABDULjabber: i was great in 'airplane' paul at sonic: :) paul at sonic: so i'm just saying you can tell me is all paul at sonic: cuz

TID Staffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5495292.post-63053040272201630562008-03-31T22:28:00.002-04:002008-03-31T22:35:15.370-04:00

HOLLYWOOD Screenplays I'm Working On: The Rapist (comedy) Titboss David Caruso's Marbled, Throbbing Dick The Talented Mr. Titboss (too soon?) Tarpsex 2021 Champagne Kittycats (docu-drama) The Legacies Of Warbler Volume 2: A CGI-Infested Romp Through 2.5 Hours Of Shit From That Children's Book You Never Read But Now Everybody Loves [Verb]-Ing [Girl's First Name] (straight to dvd) That

TID Staffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5495292.post-35098984736614985042008-03-26T10:17:00.001-04:002008-03-26T10:18:58.249-04:00

THE SOUND WAS DOWN A shocking development in the Smart Dumb Cats case.

TID Staffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5495292.post-36995546462556286002008-03-22T12:44:00.004-04:002008-03-22T12:48:03.953-04:00

OUR NATIONAL NIGHTMARE Just wake me up when it's all over.* *FOOTNOTE: Young Jeezy's verse on this song is funny.** **FOOTNOTE 2: So is Lil Wayne's.*** ***FOOTBOTE

TID Staffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5495292.post-84333152764706134262008-03-02T20:51:00.004-05:002008-03-02T22:25:57.958-05:00

SMART DUMB CATS Scene: Whole Foods on Broad Street, Durham. Paul is in the frozen section looking for microwaveable Pad Thai Random Woman: Are you Paul Nair? Paul: Yes RW: I am [name redacted], we went to high school together. Paul: Oh yeah! [Name redacted]! How the hell are you?! It's good to see you. RW: I am fine, I work at Duke now. Do you live in Durham? Paul: No I live up north now.

TID Staffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5495292.post-85285522648109682182008-01-18T16:02:00.001-05:002008-03-02T21:11:38.126-05:00

COLD GRAY WISCONSIN Probably not. In fact, I doubt he really understands what is going on, much less that this will be an emotional win for Brett because he's getting old and has gray around his muzzle much like--surprise--an aging dog. In fact, I don't think this dog even understands the concept of sports, and I'd put money on the fact that he hates wearing that jersey and fake piece of cheese

TID Staffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5495292.post-43871151482464946252008-01-09T16:37:00.001-05:002008-01-09T16:39:11.627-05:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR Do you see a similarity? Comment, please.

TID Staffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5495292.post-2792582970732809662007-12-17T13:48:00.001-05:002007-12-17T13:58:23.180-05:00

APOLOGIES TO MR. SCHULZ I've been reading the biography of the creator of Peanuts, the brilliant but troubled Charles "Sparky" Schulz. Completely irrelevant to this, Jarf and I decided to brainstorm alternate titles for Garfield and Peanuts books, respectively. So here goes: Snoopy, Go Home Snoopy Got Hung Snoopy, Calm Down Snoopy, He Gone Snoopy, God Damn Snoopy, Go Long Snoopy, Stay

TID Staffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5495292.post-37582380363797600422007-11-30T15:59:00.000-05:002007-11-30T16:26:33.352-05:00

NIGHT MIGRATION I'm learning things these days. That's what it seems like, at least. The first eight months of the year I learned nothing, the last four I'm packing it all in. Will the start of 2008 be as uninformative as 2007's? For example, last week I learned that when trying to restrain an angry cat, it's best to gently grab them by the scruff of the neck. This seems to trigger an automatic

TID Staffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5495292.post-61635097968016812022007-10-13T01:07:00.001-04:002007-10-13T01:39:53.707-04:00

DUNK Can you spot the 7,500 things wrong with the picture at left? Send entries to John.Goodman.The.Roseanne.Dad.Possibly.Alcoholic.But.That.Was.TipToed.Around.On.The.Show@gmail.com 1) The woman's hand is not merely disappearing into the cat's chest fur, it's actually disappearing completely. Is this a result of RADIOHEAD'S innovative new e-commerce with their latest release IN RAINBOWS or is

TID Staffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5495292.post-58217559631688387632007-09-26T17:41:00.000-04:002007-09-26T18:06:33.844-04:00

ON COMBOS I was never really a huge fan of Combos snacks when I was a kid. I think even at the age of 12 I realized that the premise of condensing an entire mouth-watering pepperoni pizza into a tiny pretzel cylinder filled with a pasty substance was preposterous. I mean, there are so many factors involved: a pizza is a rather complex food item--sauce, cheese and toppings all need to maintain a

TID Staffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5495292.post-78617859252157867212007-08-31T13:46:00.000-04:002007-08-31T14:10:44.993-04:00

AND I WONDER IF YOU KNOW WHAT IT MEANS I use this little device called SiteMeter (see? it's right over there, on the right) to track visits to TID. One of the cool features of SiteMeter is getting to see what exactly referred the viewer here. Some hits come from omgtru, others come from my cohorts' various blogs. A great deal come from search engines. I seem to have cornered the market on

TID Staffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5495292.post-64505716261608609852007-07-30T21:30:00.005-04:002008-05-19T12:10:14.640-04:00

ONE FALSE MOVE, GET SWISS-CHEESED UP Let's take a walk through our new neighborhood: Blistering Hot Kittens Cafe 1010 Telegraph (at Epsom) 353-0290 Appearance: Blood red awning, caricature of kittens with their paws up, establishment name in pink cursive. Do you go in? Bad move. Kittens are in fact being individually scorched via butane torch on lovely imported marble bar. Downsides include

TID Staffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5495292.post-9952977564050984682007-07-08T00:29:00.000-04:002007-07-08T00:32:27.696-04:00

PERSPECTIVE “Tonight we’re going to rest and just let things take their course.” These words were the first I heard upon waking, on the futon, in New York City. I was unsure at first; it had been a long three weeks. Airports, taxis, bedrooms, couches, check-out times, calling cards. We live in a world of technology now. You are always connected yet if you dip your face too far into the

TID Staffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5495292.post-8686237293309308442007-06-20T12:33:00.000-04:002007-06-20T12:40:27.418-04:00

TELL ME WHERE TO GO The weather woman on TV the other day made a smug point of letting us all know that Summer doesn’t officially start until Thursday, despite all the recent soaring temperatures and the old familiar stench in the subways and the perspiration that coats you as you trudge up the block to the grocery store. If this isn’t Summer then what would you call it? I can only describe this

TID Staffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5495292.post-35615661998642055192007-05-30T11:06:00.000-04:002007-05-30T11:38:47.054-04:00

TRINA IS PRETTY Summertime descends like Trina's rubbery ass on a cold porcelain toilet seat. Editors will take the above sentence and hack it to pieces. Kids, sit down because I want to tell you about the illustrious world of writing. First things first, don't write. If you find yourself having to write, use words like "illustrious" here and there instead of simple adjectives like "fun". It

TID Staffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5495292.post-85578502162767087852007-05-09T23:12:00.000-04:002007-05-09T23:22:18.779-04:00

FROM A LONG TIME AGO George Burns appeared to me in a dream and rapped this. He was butt-naked. I managed to jot it down verbatim when I awoke. It was more speak-singing than rapping. Hot-shots, one-hoppers, choppers, the Eight Hole, sinkers, straying foul. The terms spill out of the television speakers and I get bored and pick up the small plastic clamshell phone from the coffee table. Alex,

TID Staffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5495292.post-18268407067409561072007-04-27T18:58:00.000-04:002007-04-27T19:01:58.920-04:00

ONE YEAR OLD TODAY Here's to another year. I would have thrown something better together but I didn't realize it was the anniversary of the blog until a few minutes ago, and it's five minutes to quitting time. So, uh. Eat your cake. Eat it.

TID Staffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5495292.post-35610339464924409772007-04-20T16:19:00.000-04:002007-04-20T16:34:50.372-04:00

THIS ISN'T IT It's the first real day of Spring. I had a dream last night that I had left work early, drained my bank account and hopped on a flight to London. I got there, weary, weak in the knees, and realized I had no hotel or any money to do anything. But I was relaxed and elated to be in the genteel, unfamiliar confines of Great Britain. It was sunset and I took the tube into town. The

TID Staffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5495292.post-34171814096290551792007-04-07T00:28:00.000-04:002007-04-07T00:49:23.766-04:00

THIS IS THE MOST BORING NIGHT OF MY ENTIRE LIFE I'm so bored I've listened to this same Papoose song on repeat for the last six hours and thirty one minutes. Here it comes again... THUGGA THUGGA THUGGA THUGGA I ate an entire bag of Ore-Ida frozen crinkle-cut fries. It's like eating a bag of dead childrens' penises, really. I'm not just saying that trying to be funny. If you find yourself alone,

TID Staffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5495292.post-74219060994343529732007-03-28T23:15:00.000-04:002007-03-28T23:49:55.957-04:00

ON LIGHTNING We are driving. She leaves the air on in the car all the damn time. I swear to God, if it’s over 40 degrees out the A/C has to be blasting forth. If it’s less than 40 degrees out, we have to leave a window cracked. It drives me fucking nuts and I’m sick of it, to tell you the God’s honest truth. Now we are at a gas station and I am pumping the gas, of course, because she never

TID Staffnoreply@blogger.com